Tuesday, May 29, 2012

T+7 Days am I normal?

HEL YELL "OH"...... ITS ME!   


Went to see Dr. H yesterday, he felt me up and down and said all is good.    I can drive now as long as i'm not on my pain meds anymore.    So my last dose was yesterday morning. 

OUCHEY!   I'm up at 2:00 am blogging because my belly hurts in the port area.   Its just a nagging, litte pain that appears when I turn over in bed or stand-up from the chair?  

FOOD!   Why am I completely satisfied with 2 cups of soup and 2 shakes and some damn water.   I'm sorry, but this is just not normal or is it?   Is this the honeymoon period...is my hunger going to roar its nasty ugly head soon again?    I am left thinking is this the new me feeling of my band.    Ive never felt so free of the nagging in my head regarding food in my life.    I feel freed, out of control happy and wonderful.    This is uphoria!   Will it last?

WORK!    I'm heading back Thursday.    Thought I was ready, but after no pain meds wonder if i'm pushing it.    

Just another picture of my round little RUMP ROAST to remind me of who I am today!   MOVE IT MOVE IT!

Monday, May 28, 2012

Mindful Eating

Came across this article today {www.mybaiatricpantry.com}. I hope this technique combined with my passion for working out, biking and my new BFF Ms. Lap Band will be the combination to my success.
This is a post for non-band followers!   

Looking for a cool trick on how to eat less at meal times? A useful technique is the practice of "Mindful Eating". This is an easy, quick form of meditation that helps you control the urge to stuff yourself!

Here's how it works: Before you gobble down the first bite, pause a moment, take a few deep breaths, and reflect on what you are about to do. Think about why it is you are sitting down for this meal. Consider that the real purpose is not just to satisfy your cravings, but to provide your body with nourishment.  

Now start eating, but chew each bite very slowly.  Pay attention to the texture and taste of the food. Once you've eaten about half your plate, pause and take a few more deep breaths. Then decide whether you even need to eat the other half.

How to Eat Less:   Meditate as you eat. Slow everything down at meal times. That's all there is to it. Simple, right? You can teach yourself how to eat less by slowing everything down and listening to your body. This meal-time exercise is a form of meditation called "mindfulness" or "awareness" meditation. The idea is to become highly aware of what you are doing so your body's automatic reflexes are no longer in control.

By taking conscious control of your actions, you can stop compulsive eating or "BLIND EATING" and stress-related eating in its tracks. Give mindfulness eating a try at your next several meals. If you practice enough, it will become a regular part of your eating ritual and you won't have to remind yourself to do it.

Take It Further: Consider starting a personal meditation program (not just for mealtimes). By helping to relieve stress, meditating can actually help you lose weight.  There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself!    Shut the damn door, close the blinds and sit and breath for 5 minutes.

Ok...so since my humor is always a part of my blog.  

I asked myself prior to making the decision for my Lap Band this question.

Why did I not know I was this Phat?    Well now you know my secret.

Friday, May 25, 2012


Wow 3 days post op before I could even think of getting on my computer.   I am so glad this part of my journey is over.   It was surgery, it completely sucked, its over!   I had a very hard recovery period due to nasea from the anestesia.   That lasted from 4pm on 5/23 until well after midnight that night, until my body had finally said enough.  I was not discharged from the hospital to go home until the afternoon of 5/24.

Just hours upon hours of dry heeves.  What was my body trying to rid itself of??? I kept asking as I looked at the walls...   I think it was the Fat Devil doing an exorcism.   It was beating me up bad.... for all the trips to Red Robin, overflowing plates of biscuits and gravy and Swenson's hamburgers and onion rings, that got me to this point.     The FAT DEVIL said out with the OLD and in with the NEW.   It took so long, well because I ate so much.   

The fat devil may look like this?   

Today, my Mind is at ease, my Eyes are Clear, my Heart is Full.   I always loved this from on of my favorite shows of all time, Friday Night Lights.    I only see positive coming my way.   

To hubby,
I have the best buns in the whole world, you name it its been done for me.    He even went out last night to buy jello to make it finger jello because the ones we bought in the cup just were not cutting it.    True love is hard to find, so when you find it hold tight and never let go.   

I dont really have much else to report except after my dry heeves they did change nurse shifts at Midnight.   They sent me....well, honestly a really extra large younger black woman named Keesha.   She took one look at me said "Girl, get up outta that bed laying there with no drawers on nobody wants to see all that!    and....what's on you legs?"    Go on girl, up get in that shower lets get you cleaned up and back to bed".    Then she said "Lord Ms. B what you runnin all up on my floor here naked, what's wrong wit you? umumum... not on my shift"...

I think God sent her to me, so thank you.   She had me cleaned up, in new panties in no time, and then hit me up with some good sleeping meds.    

For Keesha!

I do BABY!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Freaking out!

For whatever reason I am in total panic mode right now. I have thought of everything from I might die Wednesday to Pizza! Really I need your help...these are my questions??? Will I be happy once I loose the weight? How soon will I be able to get back to my normal workout routines.... strength training and spinning.. currently I workout 5 hrs a week! I just want to be "normal" as soon as possible. What happens when your in public like a Restaurant and your food is stuck? When should I be able to eat a good solid portion of food again? Will I have the dreaded shoulder pain after surgery???? I cant take pain...they say Walk alot..so I plan on it. What if I start my period on Wednesday? Really i'm due any minute. What happens if you get the flu, are you able to throw up like a normal person?

Saturday, May 19, 2012


I'm sorry but really this has been one of the most ridiculus weeks regarding food I have ever had.    You simply cannot survive on soup, water, soup, protein shakes and more water!     I had some watermelon a couple nights this week, which was really refreshing instead of popsicles, as well as two days for lunch I had smoothies.     Have lost 1 lb per day, so I guess that is really good.    The smoothies probably should not have had, but I lost the weight regardless, due to major calorie restriction.   Plus I also worked out alot, too much......1, 2, 3 & yes a 4th SPIN CLASS in 5 days.  Burned a total of 1,945 calories.

Tomorrow Buns and I are heading to go outdoor biking early in the morning, so this will be #5.   #5 will be more relaxing so I'm not going to count the calories toward anything.  

Thought I would post some pictures of my pre-op diet week for those future ***bandstar**** readers, so you can get an idea of what to buy when the magical time gets closer.

Ok So, I just bought these No Sugar Added NAKED Shakes today at Target, there are 7 different flavors, check them out.   They have alot of Protein in them and these will be for next week Mon,Tues, Thur & Fri when I get home from surgery.     $3.79 each...whatever at this point !   UPDATE:   5/25/12  - THESE WERE THE MOST NASTY ASS THINGS EVER, THRU THEM ALL IN THE TRASH.   

These were a freaking fantastic idea, I ordered all these "variety packs" of the Matrix and Nectar brand Protein Shakes.  These are directly from www.mybaiatricpantry.com  and were $18.00 each + I get a free sample one with each order.    I did not like any of the ones that you would mix with water "iced tea, blue carribean, fuzzy navel, etc."   But the ones with MILK Skim or SILK Vanilla HELLO, all were really good.    By Far the best:   CHOCOLATE MINT, BANANNA CREAM AND THE VANILLA.    The ORANGE CREAM was a close 2nd place winner.

Luxury!  This is my body pillow with a sassy ass cover ZEBRA print, my freshly made comfy bed and of course my IPAD.   My IPAD is ready to go with 3 books of 50 Shades of Grey, so there might be a little something else that moves hiding under the body pillow just in case its needed.   This is where I will rest after surgery.   What?   Get your head out of the gutters.

Well at this Point I am probably just wasting $$$$, but these are new plates, bowls and lunch packing dishes that hold the right portions for a new Bandster!   All recently purchased at TARGET, if interested.   

My chewey vitamins, miralax so Queen Bee can Poop.   I just love the word Poop!  GAS X to help get rid of all the GAS that apparantly will be blowing out my ass on Thursday.    Hubby "Buns" cannot wait.    I think my husband will have some competition this week in the farting department.  All purchased at TARGET

Tazo unsweetened teas from Starbucks!  It's out this week, so a MUST for me to have.  Then, some Fresh Soup from Trader Joe's.    

These are all my soups!   All purchased from Trader Joe's.   I just love this place. These made this week actually bearable, the soup was excellent quality and taste!

No Sugar Free popsicles for me, I had 4 one night last week, and was really gassy for 3 hours.    Buns thru them in the trash!    He has heard enough.

OH....SEE HOW I SLIPPED THIS SHIT IN HERE WAY AT THE BOTTOM!   Only a True Reader of My Blog will ever see these!      Welp here they are, me at my finest.   The dreaded BEFORE PICTURES.   

Even Roscoe the Basset Hound is irritated.   How about I got Buns up from Bed at 5:20 am to take these pictures, before I headed to Spin Class.     He was so happy with me.

Really?  My ass is so curvey!    Buns says its Hours of Fun and is going to miss it.    Dude, get a life.    We will see what Fun we can have with my new ass.   You know what bothers me the most?   My arms.   I never knew how chubby my little arms were, there are jaba the hut looking little things.    I'm going to work real hard on sexy arms!  I want Michele  Obama arms.    

HERE IS JABA....Just in case we need a reference for the ARMS.      

Thursday, May 17, 2012


I came across this blog and thought I must share!   Right this very minute. So, I am posting the quickest blog entry known to man.




My local Starbucks knows me well, but has been missing me as of late. I stopped in today, with hubby, and they asked..."where have you been?". I told them my upcoming plans and that I would be around some, but probably not as much.  Well, the manager stepped right in and said, "i'm going to make you something?" try it and let me know what you think.       So, I leave with a free tall sugar free mocha with protein powder. They put the powder they use in their smoothies in the milk and steamed it up, then added the sugar free mocha.     It was acceptable and I'm not complaining!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Last Meal Last Phat Thoughts

Well I just had my last meal as Phat Michelle.   What was it?   Nothing spectacular...Coney Island Grilled Chicken Pita with Ranch and some french fries.    I am not really even mourning food at all at this point.  My mind is in this and am just so freaking ready to get this damn show on the road already!  

I spent the evening last night with my best girlfriends who are all simply gorgeous ladies.    I think to myself in getting ready for this evening, am I the only one who sees me as this Phat?    I feel like a Size 12 but clearly am a Size 22.    I wonder what thin Michelle will look like?  Who will thin Michelle be?   Will I be as thin as these lovely ladies, or will I just be a little plump version of me 20 yrs ago?    I have not been below a Size 16 in probably 22 years, which would have made me 18 years old.  

I have so many questions....and no answers.   First and foremost, I am a control freak; not having any control and not knowing what the future holds is really very annoying for me.    I want to know...OK by July 15th I will be a Size ____, followed by, more dates and stats, etc.. Realizing this does not work this way and weight is going to be slow and steady, may just drive me fucking insane!

Here is my first weight goal I will write down.    Loose 40 lbs by September 19th.     The next time I get together with these girls, will be around this time for another 40 year  birthday celebration.    I want to be able to post a group picture from this fabulous evening and not look so phat.    I will post it right here, so the difference can be noticeable.   That would really make me happy.    :)

I think I have the best family and friends ever and the support and love for me is just fabulous.   My mom and Dad are going to come up from Ohio and stay during my surgery.   My husband...well he just surprised the shit out of me!    I start liquids tomorrow morning and will not really be able to eat anything of substance until June 4th.    I open the fridge and there is not really much food in there.   He says what you eat is what I'm going to eat until end of June!     He wants to also loose some weight and there is no sense in him "cooking" he said when I am having shakes and such a restricted diet.     So, we both are going to do this first part together.     Knowing how hard this is going to be for me, I am secretly so happy he is doing this with me.   The definition of a true best friend, Love you Buns.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Strength Training Workout

Strength Training and Cardio Training are NOT the Same Thing!

My Strength Training Routine 2X per week, dedicated to my friends S & D and my trainers JJ and Donna), without you this would not be.


2 min treadmill 2.8 brisk walk
2 min jog on treadmill 3.2+
1 min brisk walk treadmill 3.0

Short Rest, DRINK!!!!

Yoga Stretch, Breath :)  Prepare for War against your BODY!

Set 1
20 Kettle bell squatted swings (18 lbs); quickly followed by

10 weighted squats (body weight only)
10 weighted squats (10 lbs)
10 weighted squats (15 lbs)
10 weighted squats (20 lbs)


20 Kettle bell squatted swings (18 lbs); quickly followed by 

Set 2

10 weighted squats (body weight only)
10 weighted squats (10 lbs)
10 weighted squats (15 lbs)
10 weighted squats (20 lbs)


20 Kettle bell squatted swings (18 lbs); quickly followed by 

Set 3

10 weighted squats (body weight only)
10 weighted squats (10 lbs)
10 weighted squats (15 lbs)
10 weighted squats (20 lbs)



NEXT, Strength Training DRILLS
30 Mountain Climbers
20 push ups
20+ stomach (various things you can do here)

Short Rest

30 Mountain Climbers
20 push ups
20+ stomach (different from the 1st set)


    {its imp to keep your heart rate up!, no better way to do this than a quick Sprint}

NEXT, Dreadful things that must be done...CORE DRILLS

20 SQUAT THRUSTS aka BURPIES...these are killer, but strengthen your core like nothing else!   Very difficult.


20 Romanian Get-ups! these are killer, but must be done if you want a strong core.   You can do these with or without a weight.  For me, I do them without a weight since my body weight is about all I can handle getting up and down from a laying position.    I also truthfully have to rest between 10-12 and force myself to finish these, but I do force myself.    Very difficult.

LONG REST (3 min) & DRINK 


NEXT, ARMS & Weights....

I do a series of standard weight lifting moves with 10lbs, 15lbs and yes 20 lbs concentrating on biceps, triceps and the nasty arm fat place (wings).   Nothing less than 10lbs for me at this time. 
{I have been with a trainer for several years,  If you have  never worked out with weights start with 3,5 & 8's and work your way to the next set.   I struggle very much with anything over 20 lbs.}


PLANKS! I call this portion the TEST. This is really how you measure your whole body strength and core area.   Success is how long can you hold a plank, flat, solid and no ass in the air.   Your body is a board!

Longest hold you can do, no less than +1 full minute plank;
...........a really quick rest; followed by

45 sec plank; quick rest; followed by

30 sec plank; quick rest; followed by 

15 sec plank.


This routine should take you about 1 hour to complete!