The Good, The BAD and The Ugly

Well today's update is unfortunately not a good one.   

I am frustrated  

I moved from liquids to mushy/soft foods this week.  Today is Day 6.   Keeping in mind, that I can only eat about 1 cup of food per meal, so my calorie intake is extremely difficult to get above 1100-1200 each day.   So, in my old world I am barely even eating.   In my new world, this is going to be about the daily average, give or take a day when maybe something special is happening that involves food.

I have also incorporated moderate cardio back into my regiman, combined with a very low calorie diet. 

Sat & Sun & Mon:  walked 2 miles fast pace, calories net below 1000.

Tues:   Day1 of C25K (jog, walk 30 min combo), calories net below 1000.

Wed:   30 min spin class, calories net below 900

Thur:   Repeated Day1 of C25K, calories net below 1000

Today:   4:30 am Repeated Day1 of C25K 

I am still the same weight I was last Saturday, and according to my scale have actually gained .5 lbs....!

For the life of me, I just do not understand this happening to my body.   Who lowers their calorie intake to this degree, exercises 30+ min every single day and maintains weight.  I promise you, I have not cheated!  Nothing, absolutely nothing has gone in my mouth that was not documented in MFP.   There has been NO, even healthy snacks, between my 3 meals and 1 Protien drink.   

Apparently, that would be me!

For a normal person, I would say dont freak out.   I want to be able to not freak out.  I need to not freak out.     But,

This stand still on the scale scares the hell out of me! 

What drove me to this surgery, was my 4 year non-stop dedication to my bootcamp, cardio driven calorie burning spin classes - none of which I ever missed.  Every single week I was there, I never just "came home" instead of going, or "slept in" instead of going.      

My weight NEVER moved.    I weighed the same weight between 8-10 lbs for FOUR YEARS.   Since June of 2008, I have been UNABLE to lose or maintain any significant weight loss.  No matter how much I worked out, or what type of workout I did, NOTHING.   

So, after 4 years, you know .... it is the FOOD.  I simply was not eating what I should, I was not dieting.  What I was doing, was working out to cover my appetite and shitty eating choices.  


I am desperate!   please dont let me be in the statistics of people who get a Lap Band that fail, that it does not work for.    I will never recover from a failed attempt at this!

God, I'm praying and pleading and begging for some lenience with me.   Please let my body respond!


The two good things I have to report is that I am not hungry and have no food cravings.   Which is why I am able to be satisifed with my diet situation.  

And, I guess because I went into this surgery in top physical condition, I am coming out well.    My body is ready to go, its been 16 days, but I feel great!   The mild cardio I did this week has not phased me, barely breaking a sweat.   I do feel I could push for more, but I am not at my doctor's advice.


Am I destined for Phat Camp for the rest of my life?    

WTF WEDNESDAY - My First!

I'm tired of people telling me what I can or cannot do.   I know my body and my tolorance, so let me be.  Really, WTF!

I hate it when people tell me to Call someone.   I dislike the phone with a passion, conversations on a phone drive me insane, so I'll call when I am ready.  Really, WTF!

Why has my weight loss stalled at a complete crashing standstill?  I have barely cleared the 1,000 calorie mark on a daily basis for weeks.   Really, WTF?    

My God, seriously I never realized what a workout-a-holic I was.   I am literaly dieing a slow death not being able to do my normal fitness routines.    Someone cut the strangling rope already, I'm bored and my muscles are deteriorating.  Really, WTF!

I am 100% infatuated with TrueBlood.   I just got done watching Season 4 on BluRay and I think I want to be a Vampire or atleast have a Vampire boyfriend, that would work too.   Not WTF, Just Really!

Sometimes I'd like to stab someone with a butter knife right in the gut or the butt, either will suffice.    Not WTF, Just Really!




I think my 1st WTF Wednesday was just a bitch fest, but I feel better now.   

ITCHING TO SWEAT!

Just an update on me!    Well I must be feeling better, because I am just on my toes.... Itching....Badly..... to Sweat and Work Out.   I woke up yesterday morning after sleeping 12 hrs (REALLY, lazy ass is that necessary?); and I was like ok lazy bitch . . . this is it, your Done with This!  

No more recovery, no more pain meds, no more patient - I'm so over this!

I met with a new personal trainer, his name is Mark and we hit it off smashingly!    Literally, he specializes in boxing, sparring & kicking shit.    So I know he is my guy.    I am looking to Mark to bring my body back to the level I was at prior to surgery, then quickly guide me thru strength training and endurance training as my body begins to become smaller and core gets tighter.

WARNING - I am not afraid to sweat, breath hard, work hard, kick, hit or punch.   

I meet with Mark next Sunday, June 10th.   

So I have 7 more days of walking, then we will discuss a game plan moving forward.    I cannot lift any weights until end of June, but that does not mean I cannot move my body and get started.    I can go back to my spinning the following weekend June 16th!     I cannot wait.

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Eating Update!   I'm onto MUSHIES.      So this week, I can gave scrambled eggs, hummus, egg salad, chicken salad, tuna salad, ham salad, combined with my awesome Matrix protein shakes and really good creamy soups.      My average daily calorie intake is around 900 per day.    I need to be at 1250-1400 combined with physical activity to start the weight loss process.    

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I have lost a total of 16.5 lbs since May 14th, so I'm on my way to my first 20 lbs!

PORT AREA

HI!   I JUST HAVE A QUESTION.     THE PORT AREA UNDER MY LEFT RIB CAGE, IT HURTS!    Lord How Long does this area take to feel "normal again"?    I can feel that thing under my skin, its freaky wierd.      Is this area always a bit tender, or will this go away soon?

T+7 Days am I normal?

HEL YELL "OH"...... ITS ME!   

THESE ARE MY QUESTIONS FOR MY "BAND MATES"!     

Went to see Dr. H yesterday, he felt me up and down and said all is good.    I can drive now as long as i'm not on my pain meds anymore.    So my last dose was yesterday morning. 

OUCHEY!   I'm up at 2:00 am blogging because my belly hurts in the port area.   Its just a nagging, litte pain that appears when I turn over in bed or stand-up from the chair?  

 

FOOD!   Why am I completely satisfied with 2 cups of soup and 2 shakes and some damn water.   I'm sorry, but this is just not normal or is it?   Is this the honeymoon period...is my hunger going to roar its nasty ugly head soon again?    I am left thinking is this the new me feeling of my band.    Ive never felt so free of the nagging in my head regarding food in my life.    I feel freed, out of control happy and wonderful.    This is uphoria!   Will it last?

WORK!    I'm heading back Thursday.    Thought I was ready, but after no pain meds wonder if i'm pushing it.    

Just another picture of my round little RUMP ROAST to remind me of who I am today!   MOVE IT MOVE IT!

Mindful Eating

Came across this article today {www.mybaiatricpantry.com}. I hope this technique combined with my passion for working out, biking and my new BFF Ms. Lap Band will be the combination to my success.

This is a post for non-band followers!   

Looking for a cool trick on how to eat less at meal times? A useful technique is the practice of "Mindful Eating". This is an easy, quick form of meditation that helps you control the urge to stuff yourself!

Here's how it works: Before you gobble down the first bite, pause a moment, take a few deep breaths, and reflect on what you are about to do. Think about why it is you are sitting down for this meal. Consider that the real purpose is not just to satisfy your cravings, but to provide your body with nourishment.  

Now start eating, but chew each bite very slowly.  Pay attention to the texture and taste of the food. Once you've eaten about half your plate, pause and take a few more deep breaths. Then decide whether you even need to eat the other half.

How to Eat Less:   Meditate as you eat. Slow everything down at meal times. That's all there is to it. Simple, right? You can teach yourself how to eat less by slowing everything down and listening to your body. This meal-time exercise is a form of meditation called "mindfulness" or "awareness" meditation. The idea is to become highly aware of what you are doing so your body's automatic reflexes are no longer in control.

By taking conscious control of your actions, you can stop compulsive eating or "BLIND EATING" and stress-related eating in its tracks. Give mindfulness eating a try at your next several meals. If you practice enough, it will become a regular part of your eating ritual and you won't have to remind yourself to do it.

Take It Further: Consider starting a personal meditation program (not just for mealtimes). By helping to relieve stress, meditating can actually help you lose weight.  There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself!    Shut the damn door, close the blinds and sit and breath for 5 minutes.

Ok...so since my humor is always a part of my blog.  

I asked myself prior to making the decision for my Lap Band this question.

Why did I not know I was this Phat?    Well now you know my secret.

CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS CAN'T LOSE!

Wow 3 days post op before I could even think of getting on my computer.   I am so glad this part of my journey is over.   It was surgery, it completely sucked, its over!   I had a very hard recovery period due to nasea from the anestesia.   That lasted from 4pm on 5/23 until well after midnight that night, until my body had finally said enough.  I was not discharged from the hospital to go home until the afternoon of 5/24.

Just hours upon hours of dry heeves.  What was my body trying to rid itself of??? I kept asking as I looked at the walls...   I think it was the Fat Devil doing an exorcism.   It was beating me up bad.... for all the trips to Red Robin, overflowing plates of biscuits and gravy and Swenson's hamburgers and onion rings, that got me to this point.     The FAT DEVIL said out with the OLD and in with the NEW.   It took so long, well because I ate so much.   

The fat devil may look like this?   


Today, my Mind is at ease, my Eyes are Clear, my Heart is Full.   I always loved this from on of my favorite shows of all time, Friday Night Lights.    I only see positive coming my way.   

To hubby,
I have the best buns in the whole world, you name it its been done for me.    He even went out last night to buy jello to make it finger jello because the ones we bought in the cup just were not cutting it.    True love is hard to find, so when you find it hold tight and never let go.   


I dont really have much else to report except after my dry heeves they did change nurse shifts at Midnight.   They sent me....well, honestly a really extra large younger black woman named Keesha.   She took one look at me said "Girl, get up outta that bed laying there with no drawers on nobody wants to see all that!    and....what's on you legs?"    Go on girl, up get in that shower lets get you cleaned up and back to bed".    Then she said "Lord Ms. B what you runnin all up on my floor here naked, what's wrong wit you? umumum... not on my shift"...


I think God sent her to me, so thank you.   She had me cleaned up, in new panties in no time, and then hit me up with some good sleeping meds.    


For Keesha!

I do BABY!