There will be no more after you!

I start this post out with a broken heart because this is what has happened to my insides over the last 24 hours. 

Your intentions are not clear to me?   I think you did this to motivate me, but it did not work.  Instead I am stopped dead in my efforts.    I am now paralyzed with fear of failure.   

I am flawed and not perfect, but I do love myself enough to embark on this journey publicly, to share my highs and lows in an attempt to capture the pain and hard work it takes to lose weight.  

 

 

I have asked you for help to be there as part of my support system.  Why?... because I know ME.... way better than you do; and knew I would need constant supervision, motivation and reminded of my goals.  

 

 

That is your role in this.   You don't get to just walk out on me!     

Most importantly:  Part of my commitment contract "I will not quit on myself".    I never did quit, never had any intentions of quitting until I got to the finish line.

So why do you get to quit on me?    

I'm not going to enlist myself in another weight challenge and set myself up for failure to win you back to my team.    You either want to help me and have enough respect for my self worth to stay with me when I need you most or you don't.

See, I don't care about the cash prize, but what I do care about is me!   I have to be my priority right now.   I don't have it in me to care about others, work with others, to compete against others, nor do I have any desire to wager my relationship, my friendship with you or my fitness and health future.

By giving me an ultimatum, by doing to me what you did yesterday... it shows me you really do not know me at all.    

So let me fill you in:  

I am faithful, forgiving, loyal to a fault, loving, funny, outspoken and smart.  

You are trying to break me and my sprit for some reason and now I am desperately trying to not let that happen.    I have cried for hours, not ate for hours, went without sleep for hours.    I have thought about this enough.    I have tried to justify your decision and I can't come up with anything that gives you the right to do that to me.

I bet you will say:  "its not personal"...  Fuck you... it is Personal!     The minute that I opened myself up to get on a scale, to allow you to measure my lady parts, to allow you to push me and work with me, and run and jump with my big phatty phatness....     It became Personal.    The minute that I decided to trust you, it became Personal!

What overweight woman do you know of that jumps at the chance to get on a scale in front of a hott ass guy?    NONE!   It takes courage to even walk in the door and ask for help from a guy trainer. 


This is all I have to give is what is inside of me, some weeks may be great and others not so great.   You are either with me on this journey or against me, the choice is not mine its yours.   I have made my choice.  

If you choose NO, then there will be no more trainers after you.   I don't have the energy to open myself up again.   I will finish my journey on my own.

 



This is me and my Trainer 12/12/12, the day from Hell!