Thursday, December 13, 2012

There will be no more after you!

I start this post out with a broken heart because this is what has happened to my insides over the last 24 hours. 
Your intentions are not clear to me?   I think you did this to motivate me, but it did not work.  Instead I am stopped dead in my efforts.    I am now paralyzed with fear of failure.   
I am flawed and not perfect, but I do love myself enough to embark on this journey publicly, to share my highs and lows in an attempt to capture the pain and hard work it takes to lose weight.  
I have asked you for help to be there as part of my support system.  Why?... because I know ME.... way better than you do; and knew I would need constant supervision, motivation and reminded of my goals.  
That is your role in this.   You don't get to just walk out on me!     

Most importantly:  Part of my commitment contract "I will not quit on myself".    I never did quit, never had any intentions of quitting until I got to the finish line.

So why do you get to quit on me?    

I'm not going to enlist myself in another weight challenge and set myself up for failure to win you back to my team.    You either want to help me and have enough respect for my self worth to stay with me when I need you most or you don't.

See, I don't care about the cash prize, but what I do care about is me!   I have to be my priority right now.   I don't have it in me to care about others, work with others, to compete against others, nor do I have any desire to wager my relationship, my friendship with you or my fitness and health future.

By giving me an ultimatum, by doing to me what you did yesterday... it shows me you really do not know me at all.    

So let me fill you in:  
I am faithful, forgiving, loyal to a fault, loving, funny, outspoken and smart.  

You are trying to break me and my sprit for some reason and now I am desperately trying to not let that happen.    I have cried for hours, not ate for hours, went without sleep for hours.    I have thought about this enough.    I have tried to justify your decision and I can't come up with anything that gives you the right to do that to me.

I bet you will say:  "its not personal"...  Fuck you... it is Personal!     The minute that I opened myself up to get on a scale, to allow you to measure my lady parts, to allow you to push me and work with me, and run and jump with my big phatty phatness....     It became Personal.    The minute that I decided to trust you, it became Personal!
What overweight woman do you know of that jumps at the chance to get on a scale in front of a hott ass guy?    NONE!   It takes courage to even walk in the door and ask for help from a guy trainer. 

This is all I have to give is what is inside of me, some weeks may be great and others not so great.   You are either with me on this journey or against me, the choice is not mine its yours.   I have made my choice.  

If you choose NO, then there will be no more trainers after you.   I don't have the energy to open myself up again.   I will finish my journey on my own.


This is me and my Trainer 12/12/12, the day from Hell!


  1. What the hell happened?? Was he an asshole? Please don't give one man the power to derail you! People come in all forms...some teach you how to be, others teach you how NOT to be. I am so sorry you shed any tears at all!

    1. My beloved trainer fired me yesterday because I failed to lose 10lbs in 5 weeks. I lost 5.75 but he said he can't work with me. I'm capable of more and he is not going to enable me like my friend and family do.

      I get it I really do... But he hurt me yesterday bad and it cannot be repaired. I never missed a workout and I was and completely dedicated to him and my goals. I've never lost weight fast...but apparently I'm not worthy of his efforts any longer.

      I SENT him a text with the scale showing .4 from my goal and I got nothing from him. I guess he is done.

    2. Shit head. This isn't about perfect progress, just progress. If you expect perfection from yourself, you will fail. If you expect to always go in the right will get to your destination! Please don't let this man get into your head!!!


      serious ass hole

  2. Wow!! I agree with Tina.. Jerk. As a trainer, you have to meet people where they are.. not where you think they should be. That sucks. Sorry sweetie! You have the strength in you to do it on your own. Sure.. it's nice to have someone there pushing you, but hey... we're not on the biggest loser. We live in the real world, and we can do this!

  3. I'm sorry. I don't think that you should give up on the training thing. I know the wound is really fresh but there are good ones out there. Hang in there! I am sorry you got hurt!

  4. Oh Em Gee.... I'm so sorry my bandy buddy :( I cried reading this :(

  5. That is some BULLSHIT. I'm sorry, but no. That trainer works FOR YOU, no the other way around. Was he through your gym? I think you should complain. I don't think you should work with him anymore, but WHAT AN ASS.

  6. wow. what. a. moron. That was a shameful act. Give your money to someone that believes that you're a person, not a number on a scale.

  7. Wow! Is all I can say... Im a little late reading this but what a Douchbag! Im sure the term still applies even though a month has passed. I am fairly certain that it's him NOT you I also think its safe to say that Im sure he is like this in his personal life too. Control freak!
    He is lucky he got to be your trainer. You keep heading in the right direction and you'll get to where you're going!

    I hope that this doesn't sting so much now that a month has passed. You are awesome for even letting a trainer in - I agree with Run, Chelle, Run - complain and have his ass fired or even better post your experience on his website or where ever you found him - word of mouth - especially negative word of mouth is strong... We can all attest to that!