The Truth is that I am a professional weight maintainer. There it is... I am a perfectionist at pretty much anything I set my mind to. But this mind-blowing ability to maintain my weight, I've got this shit Mastered. Four long years, almost 1,440 days I never lost a single pound and kept it off for more than 12 days.
I decided to NOT tell Mark, my PT this information. Because, I was embarrased and thought I'm a brand new me this time, so he does not need to know my past. One thing about Mark, I have noticed straight away, is he is no-Nonsence.
Ironically, I pick men in my life who are like this for the long haul. The truth is, I can be very over-bearing, bossy, spoiled and down right a bitch when I need to be. I've never met a women yet who I backed to down to, but a Man seems to work for me.
Lets do the list:
My Daddy. Very strong work-ethic, loving, dedicated to his job and family, but feared. My dad never layed a hand on me, but I knew.... lord I just knew when I hit my teens when to get the F**K out of dodge. My Dad worked 12-14 hr days 6-7 days a week pretty much my entire life. I was a mouthy and disrespectful teenager and would push and fight with my mother until she would break. If I heard the bedroom door open (shit woke up dad)...that was it! Not another peep out of me for hours or days. My Dad was never going to put up with mouth or my shit, so therefore I shut it in his presense. Considering he was working so much, I was a hellish teenager for my mother to raise. She deserves an award for sure.
My Boss at the law firm D, i've been with since I was 23 yrs old and moved from my home-town in Ohio to Michigan to continue to work with him over 12 years ago. Total, I have been working for this man for 17+ years. He is extremely Smart, Confident and will never take my shit. I feel safe in his business world. I know he will not fail, so therefore I will not fail.
My husband Buns. Well, another good hard-working Man, but seriously he is NO pushover. You F**K him once and your done! He is a perfectionist, determined, head-strong, tuff minded and smart. He established very early he is not going to take my shit. After, several failed relationships in my teens and 20's...this is what I needed for a partner in life. I was single, young, pretty and moved to Detroit by myself. Well, its no wonder Buns was my man, I felt safe in his presense in this big city alone.
My lap-band surgeon, Dr. H. Again, the first thing out of this guys mouth when I met him was Confidence. He knows he is a good surgeon and he let everyone in the room know "my game, my rules, you dont play by them, I will not be your surgeon....there is the door, help yourself thru-it". I thought what a Dick!...but you know what...this is My Life. So, again there is no surprise that I just hopped up on an operating table and turned my life or death over to Dr. H. I was never so certain about anything ever before. Absoltutely no doubts and no regrets. I love Dr. H, he is I believe probably the best thing that has ever happened to this Bossy, Bitchy, Strong-Willed, Spoiled woman named ME!
Ok, fast forward to right now..... to new PT Mark. He is not stupid and is very driven and direct. So, he starts probing me this week on my past and my eating habits. He sees how dedicated I am to my work outs, so clearly something is off. I try and wiggle my way out with humor, to deflect the questions.... but that does not work! I give in, because I was not raised to lie, so after telling him why... I left my workout Wednesday morning a bit upset......Shit, now he too knows I love food, food controls me and I'm a failure at loosing weight.
Friday, Mark says I'm going to tell you something Michelle... I lost over 100 lbs. I'm going to teach you what you need to do to loose this weight. I know once you get there, you can maintain it. But, getting it off....your going to need help.
He senses' my total subsmission to him thru my workouts . . . . and now this...the ugly past truth I was trying to hide is just glaring me in the face..... he just stands there and stares at me as I'm a sweaty mess and now holding back hidden tears; so Saturday i'll be over to work with you in your kitchen.
This overwealming feeling of emotion...for tears of relief, to not be hiding from him anymore, ...tears of joy that this may actually happen for me....tears for a new much needed friendship.
I get no hugs from PT Mark, its not like that! Just a double high-five and we, well me, always likes to drop some F-bombs...so I got one of those out before I left to go on with my day.
Then, 24 hrs later, just as promised, he shows up at my home and the education begins. I opened up my door and said "glad you could fucking make-it, lets do this".
Mark leaves with a clear message lingering in my head:
I dare you to be successful at this!